In 2037, KMLA is in war. Students have formed a group in order to get snacks from the outside and to protect their identities as the Coke Family. One day, most of the members are taken away and the chief reads the story of the finder of the Family, to the rest of the clan.
Maybe it was because I was so stressed out studying. Anyway, for some reason I went to the supermarket and bought a bottle of coke. It was the start of everything.
Its taste was strong and thrilling. Bubbles in coke were biting my tongue. I wasn’t sleepy or tired anymore. I felt as if I could do anything without being stressed out. When I left the market, my backpack was full of bottles of coke. That was my first encounter with coke and I knew I would not be able to get away from it.
Since then, in my daily routine there is a special event. In England, there is a time called “Tea time” when most people drink tea and take a rest. Instead of tea time, I made “coke time.” At 9:45 p.m. every day, I put a bottle of cold coke and a piece of brownie on the table. Until 10:00, I enjoy the taste of coke and brownie, reviewing the day. My friends might say I’m nuts, but I stopped to care about what others say.
After buying coke every weekend and carrying them from the market all the way to the dormitory, I started to feel the need of a transportation system that could bring snacks safely and swiftly into the school. I had to persuade some of my friends with coke in order to get lend their help for transporting coke into KMLA at night. This group existed until I graduated.
This is the history of us, the Coke Family. The first boss of this group, Gun, has first established this group to get, and spread coke. Now, since the school is trying to ban all snacks and drinks in dorm, we need to fight against it. Gun gave us coke, a reason to rebel and also the shield from stress. Now, get back to your own missions and let us survive this war and enable coke inside KMLA!! All hail Coke!!!!
Cute story. To be honest, I'm not sure you had much to work with in the first place, given that the chain writing material was inconsistent. I like the beginning (the stuff you wrote about Coke), but the KMLA element seems out of place and wouldn't appeal to a universal audience. So you may have been better off choosing another writing sample, or simply cutting out the absurd KMLA stuff. I do like the Coke descriptions and the potential to frame a story about becoming addicted to a soft drink - to an absurdest degree.
답글삭제All in all, I think you could have spent more time on this and wrote more. And as I've said before - you're a good writer - far above average.